Good morning friends
This week was one of those weeks where if it could go wrong it did. My coffee needed a coffee and then it starts to rain to finish the week off.
Have you ever had a time where things started to spiral down in a loop of 3s?
It started with the car needed repairs right after Adam and I looked at the budget and decided to do haircuts and a date afternoon nothing fancy but in the end we ended up with a car repair that cost as much as our rent. Yes the rent will be paid late and my nerves freeze up sometimes when the panic set in over the fact that we haven't been able to save really pay check to pay check is not the way to go but that's what we have had to do for years, the laundry piled up (again and the dishes) housework and then meal preps while we ended up needing to pick up everything for food since it was one of those week it was already kinda tight but now it's like super tight and ZERO spending for 2 weeks
we can do it we have in the past been in a lot worst spots I remind my self at least we are not living in our pastors camper trailer in the back yard with a younger kido who has sever special needs and doing diagonstic treatments. We used to only have Bella’s ssi which now we don’t have much if any of it and then there is the job that pays almost 3 times what Adam was making before. I still have to remind myself even in the miss of a good time hair cuts and suddenly our catalic converter decides that there is a hole in it and flames shoot under the car. I keep thinking what if Adam and I had gone on the high way Kalamazoo or to Grand Rapids
This week I had one of many of my first appoitments toward my own healing and a hard process for me to admit and settle on is the older 3 are now young adults. It’s infact step daughters car that adam is driving while ours is getting repairs Step son been working. The oldest one we hear from but he in fl keeping busy with adam parents. Bella is 11 and I had to face the fact that being 35 I think I am offically finish with having children.
I am setting up suergery to have my tubes removed a permenant form of birth control I feel all kinds of feelings about it but I want to enjoy my life not knowing how much longer I have left and the reality of there’s not a lot of info on adults with 22q it was a welcome saddness and joy all in one so that’s why I decided to go and do the hair cut and have a lunch date with hubby we were talking about how our life would be and if we truly wanted to take this step and be done with creating more family. I love my bella to the moon and back and with the older three step kids I have been lucky. (they could have been horriable monsters like I hear some step moms deal with) I am glad that this is happening.
However I don’t want to say at 35 don’t have kids but the risk of a genetic disorder and then add that there’s 11 years difference between adam and I. Think it’s time. In a month I go back to the gyno and we set surgery date so by Nov I will have surgery for tubes removed. With peroids lesson that means that my gasteroparies will not flair up as much either. I can be in less pain and I’m looking forward to all of it of course with some fear as I will be put under I do usually well with that kind of thing though and am also trying to loose weight with the hormonal changes ect happening I might not struggle as much with weight loss either. I also will be getting futher treatment for the ptsd so I can do rehab and drive. I’m excited and nervous for all of these changes and thankful that we have the insurance to open all of these doors.
I am thankful for this moment that this is the very worst that can happen instead of being panic stricken I will have to admit the overhilmed part of me wanted to cry and felt guilty for our hair cut and breakfest out date I was so exhausted that was with Adam having to deal with the car because he the driver.
I still haven’t been able to learn but I will in time. I’m doing my own health care treatments and mananging the syncope. A few years ago this kind of thing would have made me pass out. I remind myself of that as well. With Ptsd stress is stress food or bad and it will do all that automacic protection make you feel you need to be on high alert
I had to remind myself of where we are to where we were. Over and over again. I had to pray breath and even open up and admit to some of my friends how stressful this was and we had needed help getting Adam to work and such.
As soon as we settled things with the car we then we had to take ms Bella to the dr yesterday for hip bone pains. I'm trying to focus on the good a few wins coming in from my contest sweeping hobbies and we have our apartment still we are going to have to use the pay rent with a late fee card but that's okay. We can do it. There was a point in time where this would have crippled our marriage. I can take some pictures and walk and meditate I am also thankful for this website which I have neglected. I love my blog it has helped me heal meet new people and open so many doors for our family. it has even encourage others to want to blog and write devotionals like I do about having disblity and sharing hope. This blog has been around for just over 5 plus years. I hoestly have lost count now.
I remind myself how far we have come as a family to where we were just 5 years ago and then look further back where we were 10 years ago. I'm not sure what else could go wrong
I am thankful for the small things like the fact that it's Friday we can get eye glasses today thankful for fsa card and insurance a few years ago we would not have had that and glasses would have had to been put off. It’s the small things that are blessings when things go wrong and being thankful rather then stress really changes the outcome of the week.
Thank you to those friends who have helped listen to me ramble this week and have checked in even that means a lot my morning meditations have helped so has the recovery group and I am forever thankful for the path our family is on now the trials and lessons we have learn we can now help others and keep a different outlook when things become stressful
If I haven’t mention it I am in a recovery program and part of it is reading devotionals one of the scriptures that I read during this time that was a great reminder was some bible verse for stress
Read 2 Samuel 22:7: “In my distress I called to the Lord; I called out to my God. From his temple he heard my voice; my cry came to his ears.” this is my favorite one becasue
David was well acquainted with stress. King Saul spent part of his reign trying to kill David, even though David had done nothing to deserve it. Still, he praised God through his troubles and penned some of the greatest love songs to God that we know as the Psalms. If David — who was known as a man after God’s own heart — faced trouble, we know we’ll also face it. On the flip side, we know that God brought David through these troubles, and He’ll also bring you through.
Next time you feel stress think of your favorite bible verse and if your a non believer think of something moviational that you like and put it on your wall or fridge as a reminder.