22q and behavior.
27 anger tools & techniques
I’m giving you a toolkit that Bella learned this week in therapy and passing it on to you.
I had a friend who made a comment about my post that I shared on Facebook and I loved her reply so much that I had to make a blog post about it and share it with my mommy friends.
My friends reply after seeing my post from Bella’s therapist this week.
“What if the educational system wasn’t so hung up on grades and funding? what one thing that might help stop so much bullying sometimes I think regular classrooms with regular kids should have this as their regular curriculum. I think it’s coping skills for all of the emotions that get tossed at these kids every day while at school.
(AND we ALL need to practice a little more “I feel” in favor to “I hate” …every little bit counts -& with every bit of effort on our part, the Holy Spirit gets a better toe-hold, a better opening to move in …if we allow its guidance to be our persuasion) “
This last part was the reply my friend had.
Imagine if we equipped our children with even more tools every little bit we share with them isn’t going to stick and work.
Trust me I am the master of trying new products and programs that might work with our child.
From one tantrum to the next tantrum it was overwhelming between her emotions and my own emotions trying to sort out what was really the issue at hand and being more stubborn then she is and not giving into her every wants just because she is having a hard time understanding why we said no to something.
Of course therapy was not the only course of treatment we have attempted to read books and follow along programs such as 1,2 3 magic and it worked for a bit then she caught onto my tricks and developed some of her own to get her way. As a mom you discover that upsets your child one minute and one day might not upset your child the next day.
This year we are trying love and logic but we combine the two approaches and wow the little bit of difference just giving a child a set of skills that us adults need to remember to use. Natural consequences have seem to be a powerful lesson to get my message across and help her understand why he couldn't’ have or do what and when she wanted. Impulse control from the Adhd was strong with Bella and we still work on calming down methods such as timeouts, we do a trick called blow out the candle where she takes her fingers and blows out a pretend candle and inhale the flowers and she smells the back of her hand.
How often do we say things without thinking about how it can make someone else feel? How often do you think kids do that when we are not around and they are having interactions with other kids on the playground. You know the kind of interactions I am talking about, I don’t want to play with you today I want to play with so and so. Or how about I don’t like your hair you poopy head. I mean kids don’t mean what they say to one another they can be mean one day and their best buddies the next day. Once children start school they are basically people trying to manage in day to day life just like us adults are.
The only thing I think I would change is prayer should be the top of this list, not the last resort. Once a parent thought the process is off a prayer to re-center and calm can make all of the difference. If praying remember to pray with the right wording and emotions and leave it up to God after that. If prayer isn’t your thing find your mantra or center or whatever it is you need to do to realign your thought process.
Giving my daughter a list of coping tools to use when she’s upset instead of just ignoring the behavior has made things go a lot smoother not perfect but easier to manage. There is nothing more important than a relationship between a child and a mother (parent figure) and allowing your child to pull out a coping skill instead of bottling up that anger is only going to make your bond with your child stronger. Teaching your child to pray or meditate is a strong tool to use and help manage their feelings that are hard and overwhelming.
I feel that if we teach our children at a young age how to cope with our feelings and frustrations they will be able to handle whatever comes at them with a little bit of self respect and in turn help others with some of the tricks and tools they use.
My friends asked about what number 25 was? it’s called move the wall what move the wall means is you push the wall with your hands over your head and legs stretched back out pushing the frustrations away.
So enough talking from me. Now it’s your turn!
what coping skills or tools do you use when you are angry?
what coping skills or tools have you given your children?
How do you plan on correcting your own behavior to allow for them to see a model example?