Dear Younger Me, Here’s What I Wish I Could Tell You

Dear Younger Me, Here’s What I Wish I Could Tell You

Me in high school at 19

Me in high school at 19

Dear Younger Me,

February 10th is my birthday and it has been 8 days since I have been 36 years old.

That mean’s I am that much closer to being 40 in a few years.

There is so much that I want to tell you, but honestly, I don’t quite know where to start.

We have done so much self improvement work and have come along way and let met just point it out of how proud of you I am.

There are a lot of others who have said you couldn’t do x y or z but not only did you do those you do all of that but you are married now with a beautiful child and the teen years from the step kids at times were scary you really do make it together with your husband.

The guys from before the one during high school and the few before your husband were just lessons you had to learn to get to someone that was always there to look out for you and protect you. You and your husband will face many trials together that break you apart on the inside but you two slowly repair each other side by said at one point miles apart while doing so. You find each others flaws and are charmed by the quirks because no one is perfect. You two love one another and bicker a lot but that just means you care.


On the 23 of Feb in 2005 you met him fell in love and the world you knew changed. You had to learn the laws of another land, how things and people functioned and interacted with each other.

You thought you knew about how American’s minds worked and were ready to form friendships but then got burned over and over again. Shady flaky friends come and went as they needed you but a few handful of true supportive friends have always stuck by your side. I know it’s not always been easy there are moments where you didn’t even know how you would make it and sometimes as soon as you started to move forward you took 10 step’s back.

You get a diagonses that you don’t even think you have because your symptoms are so mild compared to your siblings but at 21 your world get’s turned upsde down with a phone call. You are forever dubbed a freak and others online follow you but don’t talk with you much because they don’t know what to say or how to relate to a mom with 22q and a person who has 22q you are their unknown. You were born to stand out and that is okay. I want you to accept that diagonses even if those who were suppose to be supportive didn’t.

Your father disowns you because you moved to the usa from Toronto, .It’s okay that he disowns you. He was never there for you any how! you just are sad that you cant’ talk with you siblings because of the lies your father has told. People will keep trying to push their way back into your life but you learn boundaries from many therapist who has encouraged you to keep on living and moving forward dispite the fears you face.

Others become jealous of you because for what ever reason they want all you have. No matter how many times you tell them you don’t have it all together and you have leaned many coping skills because you were lucky enough to have come into contact with some amazing people God places in your path to guide you and accept you for all that you are.

Old me you never gave up your fiesty determin stubborn redheadedness was also passed on to your child and now she’s just as stubborn and strong willed as you are. Which I hope takes her far in life

Here where i would stop and think next time if I had to do it over. (I sometimes dream of having a do over)

Dear younger me, don’t grow up too quickly. Don’t stop things so fast finish things you start!

I know it seems like you’re pretty old now. It seems like you have experienced a lot of life and seen a lot of things. The truth is, you have probably seen and experienced more than your fair share. But don’t let it age you. When you are 40 you will not appreciate others making comments about how young you lappear. You wont care so much though. You will look them in the eye state your age and ask them theirs if they are going to be rude you will turn it into an awareness campain for 22q

Be patient. with yourself and with others life is short but it goes smoother with calmess

God still has a lot for you ahead even if you don’t think you deserve to continue living. If my youngerself knew all of the good my story would do I wouldn’t have attempted to over doses don’t do that and don’t do that again and again. Pills are not the answer Skills and pills are. Please allow time to heal you had a rough childhoold and experienced a lot of trauma that to the outside world you appear all and well but they don’t see the night mares, the flash backs or the panic attacks. They don’t see the pain and hurt. You didn’t tell them you didn’t want to be a burden to your loved ones any more. it’s okay they don’t think you are and prove it over and over again. One day you start apperiating their efforsts and just sit and be thankful

Don’t settle for average. Average grades. Average friends. Less than average boys. Finish school don’t allow your illness to get in the way you will need that high school diploma and college degree. Pay attention and attend that American history class you will need it to pass an immigration interview you will move to Michigan one day. Life will get complicated by doing so. Enjoy where you are at there are lessons you need to learn and many test by God you need to pass before you are rewarded.

Oh, younger me, if you could only see the amazing plans that God has for you, you would know that you still have time to grow up. Enjoy the ride. Don’t rush it.

Dear younger me, don’t let anyone else tell you who you should be what you should or shouldn’t do Only you show others how to treat you. I wish younger me learned that lesson sooner. We allow other’s to treat us by allowing them to continue to say or do things and not speaking up about it.

All your life, there will be people telling you what you should do, what you shouldn’t do, and who you should be. Take advice and wise counsel from people who love you, and more importantly, love the Lord.

Trust your grandpparents. They love you, even if it seems that they don’t always understand. One day Grandpa wont be around to argue with about God any more or to catch up with Day’s of our lives. By the way Grandpa was right God does love you

But don’t allow negative people to speak into your life. Don’t give them that power. They don’t have your best interests in mind.

Seek God for His plans for your life and follow those. He knows what’s best for you, and if you ask Him, He’ll always show you your next step. The Bible read it. Lessons are in there fir lifes instructions

Dear younger me, don’t be afraid.

This is one that you are going to struggle with. I wish I could tell you that it will get easier, but the truth is, it won’t. At least, it hasn’t yet. But living in fear is one of those things that compounds. The longer you do it, the more fearful you become. And you know what? It never helps. It never solves anything. Do it scared any way and fake it until you make it. One day you truly do make it

I know, I know. This is easy to say and so much harder to do.

But try to learn to face your fears rather than become buried beneath them. Take them to the Lord quickly. Choose faith over fear as much as possible.


I think this one is the most important:

Dear younger me, you are worth so much more than you think you are.

All your life, you have struggled with your self-worth, wondering if you really are good enough, if you will really amount to anything.

You are.

And you will.

Trust me.

Your whole life is not ruined because of that bad test in the fifth grade. You aren’t worthless because the boy in third grade called you ugly. You aren’t a failure because you burned that cake (and believe me, you will burn many more).

I want to encourage you to stop looking all over the place for your sense of purpose. You aren’t going to find what you are looking for. Please don’t fall into the trap of looking to your test scores, popularity or love life for your self-worth. No matter how many A’s you get, how many friends you have, or how many boys like you, it will not change you how you feel deep down inside.

The space that you are trying to fill can only be filled by a God who loves you more than you could ever love yourself.

Seek Him. Chase after Him. Desire Him with all you are.

Sure, the enemy will try to get you down. He will try to keep you from pursuing God and will tempt you to chase after frivolous things because he is a pro at distracting you from what’s important.

Don’t give in.

You know that armour that the bible talks about? Learn about it. Pick it up and put it on. You’re going to need it.

Dear younger me, you really can do this life thing.

Yes, it is hard. It is crazy and can be messy. There will be days when you wonder why you are even here.

But it is so worth it.

Don’t give up when you’ve just gotten started.

God has amazing plans for you. He wants to use you to do mighty things. Powerful things. I admit, I’m still figuring out what those things all are, but every day He makes the picture just a little bit clearer. Hold out for that.

Lukewarm Christianity is not an option. You are a follower of Christ. Act like it. Read your bible and memorize it. Pray. It’s your lifeline. Be proud of your faith, and tell everyone about your good, good Father.Praise God in the good times and the bad.

Don’t let pain destroy your heart. Don’t become jaded and closed. Instead, love like crazy. Pour out love on everyone you can. Be vulnerable. Be open. Take risks. Your heart will be broken, and so will your trust. But do not, I repeat, do not allow your heart to harden. God has given you so much love to give.

Younger me, give yourself grace in the difficult times. You are too hard on yourself. Set goals and have high expectations. But if God can give you grace, you can give yourself some too.

Hard times will come, and it will feel like tears are your only option. But laugh as much as possible. It really is the best medicine.

With God’s help, you will make it. Just keep on keeping on.



Your Future Self

P.S. When he comes along (no, I can’t spoil it and tell you your future husband’s name!!), make sure you don’t let him get away. Choose him over and over again. He really is one of the most precious gifts God will ever give you. I can tell you that you will be celebrating the day you met him in 2005 for many years. I’m writing this in 2019 and we are celebrating another year. Life is filled with ups and down’s It’s okay to get stuck in the muck don’t get so stuck you are in a rut after another rut. Your mess is your message!


Pain Management and Diet changes?

Hello friends,

Today I am sharing about my personal first hand experience with diet pain and 22q

There is the typical treatment’s the Go to for pain.

waiting at one of the many dr visits inserts in her shoes you couldn’t tell she wears them

waiting at one of the many dr visits inserts in her shoes you couldn’t tell she wears them

The Ice method for example when you hurt your finger from playing basketball Ice, rest, evelated .

The days when tired muscles are sore and tight we go to the Lots of water. Hot Epsom salt baths. Avoid inflammatory foods and eat anti-inflammatory foods. Cut dairy, sugar and white flour, maybe wheat completely. Gentle stretches.

For topical pain's for simple inflation sure.

Medication and Diet does not replace a missing piece of Chromosome that's DNA strand complete wiped out of our system. The strand 22q is the communicator and connector for the cells that tell our bodies how to function. such as Down syndrome is an addition Chromosome. Diet alone does not heal all nor does it heal the mild cp my daughter has or the gasteroparies I have.

Daily pain is always going to be there. We have an invisable chronic illness such as these and migraines and emotional pains even. Diet alone does not cure all as much as we hope.

It can help with some things of course like constipation when it’s not a delayed emptying of the stomach like gasteroparie being the under line cause.

As you know I love testing products and services but. no products or books our cures are there for us. Our symptoms are custom made because no two people with 22q are affected in the same way.

We simply just try to make life as comfortable as we can and some of us pull of not appearing "sick" so well.

One other example is I make a famous detox smoothies a green one when she has constipation issues and other issues when her body is fighting off infections I add lot's of 'other' mommy secret's in the smoothie so she will take them. I'm not against nor did I imply I was.

. The smoothie I share infact It's a popular hit on my website. I found some I liked and others did too. If our convo reaches out to others so be it. That's why I blog to help others out there not feel so alone like I have had to.

I also use those special shoe inserts for Bella afo's chipmunks they went from leg braces and extreme pains to finding the right medication's which I won't list here because last thing I want to do is tell any parent what to give their kids for xyz. I only share what I love and enjoy. I am lucky to have a large amount of caring supportive Dr's who understood 22q and others who didn't know was interested in learning about 22q and the mild cp my child has. (complications from birth as I also have 22q) I was tested after my father was tested and my 3 half siblings were tested after my step mothers test was negative theirs was positive. One of my siblings passed away when he was six. I seen the good bad and ulgly of this syndrome.

Afo insert’s chickmuncks

Afo insert’s chickmuncks

You are so spot on if you said treating a child with 22q is not rocket science to those of us who live with it and have children with it ect. To the outside world they can't even fathom the pain emotional and physical.

Us as parents and to those of us who have 22q face. All of us who tested positive in our family all have had hypocalciuma and low iron was major issues in our family. We did it all to see what helped and to a point diet changes worked as well as it could take it. No amount of calcium based products ie milk would help ex except the treatments of caltrio and ferinsol hand cramps and leg cramps and tremmers passing out which I have experience all of it was part of the course. meds diet or not. Diet sadly was not the only fix for them as well as for Bella and myself What I mean is there are so many "Plexus" or other fad MLM diet's I would have typed that up as well but not many comment on the post's I share so thank you and I appreciate you and the time you took to write that up.

There that are those ever popular claim to fame cure all end all like oils yes and other MLMs that say this is the fix! been there tested all of it. I love product testing. Of course some help aid in reduction but there's always a pain of some sort. My daughter sees me and is being shown by example how to mange reduce and use all that is at shown to her in Pt sessions, Ot and speech as well as many other but when she is in the class room mainstreem with an IEP it isn't until the teacher sees Bella in action with her Adhd symptoms such as a day with out her medications for say a med switch do they go oh she does have something different about her then the other typical children and needs support. which she takes meds and yes diet changes and has a tool kit of coping skills she uses.

Even as I sit here and type there is a pain in my stomach from gasteroparies. I just don't always post about it. Like when I was younger because no one cared to hear me. I was a child with 22q back when I was 21. now my daughter is 11 I'm 36 just had my birthday yesterday. I not only am a parent, sibling and friend to those who have 22q I live with it personally. I'm thankful that diet changed has helped and is apart of our coping skills tool kit. :) Have a great week. We have a snow day here hope the weather is warmer where you are at :) blessings friend

I did the Daniel fast and here is how it went


The Daniel Fast Food List:

What you can eat:

All fruit – fresh, frozen, dried, juiced, or canned.

All vegetables – fresh, frozen, dried, juiced, or canned.

All whole grains – amaranth, barley, brown rice, oats, quinoa, millet, and whole wheat.

All nuts & seeds – almonds, cashews, macadamia nuts, peanuts, pecans, pine nuts, walnuts, pumpkin seeds, sesame seeds, and sunflower seeds; unsweetened almond milk. Nut butters are also included. All legumes – canned or dried; black beans, black eyed peas, cannellini beans, garbanzo beans (chickpeas), great northern beans, kidney beans, lentils, pinto beans, and split peas.

All quality oils – avocado, coconut, grapeseed, olive, peanut, sesame, and walnut.

Beverages – distilled water, filtered water, and spring water. Other – unsweetened almond milk, coconut milk, rice milk, or soy milk; herbs, spices, salt, pepper, unsweetened coconut flakes, seasonings, Bragg’s Liquid Aminos, soy products, and tofu.

Foods to Avoid on the Daniel Fast: All meat & animal products – bacon, beef, buffalo, eggs, fish, lamb, poultry, and pork.

All dairy products – butter, cheese, cream, milk, and yogurt

All sweeteners – agave nectar, artificial sweeteners, brown rice syrup, cane juice, honey, molasses, raw sugar, syrups, stevia, and sugar.

All leavened bread & yeast – baked goods and Ezekiel bread (if it contains yeast and honey).

All refined & processed food products – artificial flavorings, chemicals, food additives, preservatives, white flour, and white rice. All deep-fried foods – corn chips, French fries, and potato chips. All solid fats – lard, margarine, and shortening. Beverages – alcohol, carbonated drinks, coffee, energy drinks, herbal tea

I Hope everyone is staying warm.

I decided to write a blog post while ms Bella was playing video games. Some of you have been asking me where have I been? why haven’t I been interacting or accepting friend request on my personal Facebook page and why I have not posted as much lately.

I did the 21 day Daniel fast that’s 3 weeks if you are needing a visual.

The list of foods above and the listed website is what I reference to while I did the fast. I already am limited on wheat’s and some of the items that are aloud so I also fasted wheat and stuck with dairy only in coffee

I also didn’t give up coffee but limited myself to 1 cup a day and during the fast I ran out of k cup and ended up using what I had in coffee can’s and broke out the old peculator remember those? It felt so odd brewing a cup of coffee in the single peculator. At the time of the fast I had prayed about our family financial situation cause let’s be honest we were at the point were we made enough to get cut off any assistance from even ssi and next month medicaid is even suppose to stop.

I have to admit I panic when the financial hits kept coming.

Before the fast we had the car that needed repairs then at Christmas two weeks after we had to repair the locks on the front door and the car our home had been broken into someone took off with my husbands keys coat and two laptops we are thinking it was a homeless guy living in our apartment complex laundromat we had called the cops and filed a report and all has been okay since. We went out with my husbands work to an amazing all expense paid for party and due to my husbands position being new at the company it didn’t fit into this years budget and he was let go.

So when you do a fast and pray expect things to unravel and come undone but only for things to make room to aloud doors that were once closed to be open.

. The events all taking place then Adam loosing his position under no fault of his own just that his and a few other positions did not fit the budget for the company he was working for which sucked Adam was finally happen enjoyed his coworkers and came home a lot less stress. The nice thing is that they paid him for two weeks and and they even put him up as laid off and paid him for two weeks while he finds work.

During the two weeks we still fasted we didn’t go out and buy extra we didn’t have the extra funds and we made due with the things we had in the house I got creative with meals and we used up the can goods the baked good and all the things I stocked up on.

This was all during the fast while we were praying for increase in our fiances. The goal was and still is 35,000 for any position my husband get’s which would put him at around 17 dollars a hour in his field full time.

I am looking forward to saying Adam found a job that pays the amount above or more with benefits and full time. I think it will happen within the next few weeks.

I had been praying for supernatural doors to be open I have been claiming in Jesus name for Adam to get a position that paid more but the moment he was let go I kind of already knew and we were prepared in a way. Adam has had 4 successful interviews now and we are sticking with the worlds tightest budget.

I was fearful of admitting Adam had been let go from another company to my friends and family it’s a matter of pride I think but because he was part of the big layoff with another popular company my husband works in the technology field and does administration work for It that’s what he went to school for that year he was let go on my birthday and what sucks is this year it happen just after Christmas.

I’m sure God’s hand is in all of this but I want to put my own hands on all of it.

I want control and take over. Adam had a great interview today and that makes interview number four. I am just thankful we have been sticking to a budget the evil word in my mind the word budget and a no spending freeze had happen this month really allowed me to see how far we have come as a couple and as a family. This kind of thing would have other wise left me paralyzed in fear but instead we keep moving forward in faith and are at peace that this is the kick in the pants needed to let go and increase our financial income.

I have only mentioned this to a few handful of our friends it’s still in the new shock stage but we are keeping our spirits up and moving forward. Adam had like I mention 4 interviews and we are awaiting to hear a call back from one or all of these places.

I think any company would be lucky to hire him he works hard and is a great provider for our family but we keep hitting these road blocks we need a income that is stable where contracts are not a option neither are temp agencies.

He’s applied to well over 50 places and he’s getting in three or 4 request a week for phone interviews.

the fast has really open my eyes to what is important sure the nice extra are great to have but when you have a roof over your head, clothes on your back and food in your belly no matter what the income that’s a blessing all of it’s own.

I have read about so many others who are working in government jobs and are having to go to the food banks we have had to go to a food bank or two in the past and understand what that feels like.

We have the support of the other kids rallying around us and helping as needed and our rent is even paid two months in advance we even are doing the Dave Ramsay budget where every dollar has a name. It’s not easy to think this all happen because I prayed for something and was let down with broken promises and un answered prayers but I think this is a way that doors are opening and we are going to be able to bless others with our income.

I’m looking forward to any of the places Adam interviewed with and call back.

We have even come up with ways to sell some of the items in our home that has been cluttering up or apartment de cluttering cleaning I call it anger cleaning.

The landlord is coming in and is going to redo our bathroom for us there was some mold I found while I was cleaning out things and doing a deep clean the baseboard and the ceilings need to be replaces and in Feb that will all be taken care of. Feb is also my birthday month I turn 36 that’s a post for another day. Valentines day is coming up I already have valentines day cards for Bella class from what I got on clearance last year

I also have been entering contest giveaways and filling out survey’s online earning some fun new products to test out. A friend of mine has me filling out all kinds of things for freebies that could help in the long run and I am getting back into product reviewing again.

I have not wrote a blog post like this one in ages because we have been doing this fast and just one thing after the next has come after us. I have decided to do protection prayers around my home and even have been lighting candles and doing all I can to clean the air to help bless our family.

Today I took some time to interact and become social I asked for emails for Bella's donations and she got a overwhelming successful amount of 20 emails. You guys are amazing always there to support us. Bella has hoops for heart that she is trying to raise funds for and has a list a mile long of the things she wants and desires.

I have been avoiding going into stores unless needed because I know we would end up spending money. I have this fear of being like my mother dependent on someone else and that’s some demons I need to work on and allow that this whole thing will work out for the greater good of our family. It can’t get any worst. Universe I am not testing you here.

I am just simply expecting a financial windfall while he looks for work or a break where we can catch up and breath and relax. I our savings is now our income and we wait with baited breath if he has been hired from one of these places he has interviewed with.

I took a social media fast as well for 3 weeks on top of financial spending fast.

I just wanted to say hello with all of you let you know what there was a ton less stress when I got online and used social media as a way to decompress and not go out of my way to fix everyone or to solve others issues. I had to figure a way to stay connected with my friends with out giving to much info to others who want to use what I share against me.

I no longer care what others think. I’m going to post and if people do not like what I share they do not have to read.

I discovered who my friends where some pestered me and said hey you were are ya? others texted or even gasp called me and had a real conversion with me. I love and thank you all who do for that.

As high amount of traffic I have on my website I am taking my power and control of it back

I’m sharing to reach at least one other person who might need to hear what I have to say. I also sometimes just need to vent with a post that allows for more then 150 characters

I took advantage of the snow day and just zoned out for a hour or two possibly 3 and I cleaned up my Twitter in fact it’s deleted now, I am cleaning up my Instagram and I cleaned up the likes on my Facebook page. I also am trying to just see where spirit will lead me today.

I Hope everyone is staying warm. We had a snow day. I took some time to interact and become social I asked for emails for Bella's donations and she got a overwhelming successful amount of 20 emails.

Most of you even asked me how things are going and we had great catching up kinds of conversions.

You guys are amazing always there to support us. So I'll never shut down the website. I might pop away from time to time to reflex on life and pray or meditate.

I took a social media and even a food kind of fast meaning I only interacted with the people I had to stay in touch aka my mother inlaw and grandma or the would pull me though the computer screen with their canes lol when it came to food and drinks I stuck with fruits and veggies and fish.

Adam and I did the fast together we didn’t make the kids do it but they ate our dinners with us. After the fast was over we celebrated by having McDonald and the cheeseburger I had just was not as satisfying as I had hoped. Bella had her first big mac and realized she was to tall to play in the play area. Bella is 11 and is in the stage of being to big for somethings and not old enough for others. Her new favorite things to enjoy is blow drying her hair and chopsticks we had a ton of Asian inspired soups while we did the fast and Bella love that we can have a healthier kind of “romen noodles” and if I know me you have probably heard of the romen noodle budget story when I was in college.

I just wanted to say hello with all of you let you know what there was a ton less stress when I got back online and used social media as a way to decompress and not go out of my way to answer everyone's email fix everyone or to solve others issues.

There is a huge need for advocates and mentors for this disorder and I don't take that lightly. I will always be a email away it must just take longer to respond back. I am always so shocked when others say you inspired me to help others and share my story.

I am honored and really have no idea where to go from here.

Things have been good health wise so I have not had many blog posts that are medical related. We see a therapist once a week and all is well.

The job hunt is going well Adam will have something from one of these places I am sure within a month our bills are paid God has provided a way to provide.

I might just keep fasting not to the extreme that I was but it that eating this way life is so much simpler I used what I had on hand and used up the products I have in my home. I now have to stock up again on supplies such as goodies, snacks fruits and veggies.

during the fast I have gone though my emails finally and discovered that Mommiesquietplace is not quiet there is a large amount of you who are seeking to hear my voice and that means the world to me. Thank you all so much. More blog post in the future. If you have any topics or request you would like me to write about shoot me a email or send in the comments below.

Having a child with special needs is a lot of financial stress the best advice I suggest is stick with a budget and perhaps if you are doing the Daniel fast pray for something smaller then financial increase pray for guidance or wisdom and discernment.

Always be careful what you pray for or you will be tested. The last time I did this I prayed for patience.

I am still learning my spiritual gifts and I am learning how to just be at ease with things and go with the flow. I am learning to be content in the mess. I know one day my mess will be my message.

Thank you for reading.

A rambling un edited blog post just some writing so I could share with friends what all have been going on.

hugs Amanda Ripsam owner of Mommiesquietplace